Ghetto Pudding, or: Adventures in Bad Food Ideas

Let’s say you have several cupboards. One such cupboard hides cannisters of forgotten, rarely-if-ever-used Coffee-mate brand powedered non-dairy creamer, a non-food foodstuff. Let’s further suppose that instead of just throwing said cannisters in the garbage, you wonder what one could do with such items. In a culinary way.

Could one, perhaps, make pudding?

Why not give it a try!

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups water
  • 7 tablespoons Coffee-mate powdered non-dairy creamer, any flavor
  • 1.5 tablespoons cornstarch
  • 1 tablespoon granulated sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

  1. Add water to a saucepan. To it add the other ingredients except the vanilla.
  2. While whisking bring mixture to a simmer and reduce heat.
  3. Switch to a rubber spatula and stir frequently until mixture coats the spatula.
  4. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla.
  5. Portion into four custard cups (1/2 cup servings), cover, and refrigerate several hours until firm.

Notes:

  • If the mixture does not firm up, you need more cornstarch. If it’s too firm you need less. If it’s not creamy enough you need more creamer, if it’s not sweet enough you need more added sugar, and so on.
  • The creamer is 60 calories for 4 teaspoons; at 3 teaspoons per tablespoon and 7 tablespoons, that is 21 teaspoons, or 5.25 servings, or 315 empty calories based on corn byproducts and anti-caking agents. There’s about another 45 calories from the cornstarch and another 45 from the sugar, bringing us to 405 calories, or just over 101 calories per serving.

Delicious, artificially flavored empty calories.

Suggestions and Observations:

  • Likewise substitute a water and creamer mixture when making rice pudding. Conceivably you could make a Coffee-mate panna cotta using the creamer and water mixture along with some sugar and about two teaspoons of powdered gelatin sprinkled over the mixture and left to sit about ten minutes before whisking together and bringing to a simmer.
  • Coffee-mate offers a number of recipes — user-submitted and otherwise — with suggestions and uses for this non-dairy creamer, but none are for a basic cornstarch pudding — or a Coffee-mate baked custard — that don’t also use milk or cream in addition to the creamer.
  • There’s a Chowhound topic discussing uses for Coffee-mate powedered creamer.
  • Two Words: Creamer Cannon.
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